Unable to Choose Clothes Because of Words from My Ex: What is “Dating Violence,” a Common Form of Intimate Violence?

A single phrase said by someone in the past can become the trigger that makes it difficult to stay true to oneself when making choices.

There are probably many people who still carry such experiences with them today.

Especially in close relationships like couples or within families, it is common to use harsh words that dig too deep, or take what the other person says too seriously, which can make someone feel unsure about themselves.

When taken too far, it can lead to physical and mental damage, even becoming “Dating Violence”…

This time, through manga, we will introduce the story of a woman whose former partner’s words became the cause, making her unable to enjoy trying out all kinds of fashion like she used to. Whether this experience necessarily fits into dating violence or moral harassment cannot be definitively stated. However, through this episode that many people may have experienced, let’s think again about the concept of dating violence.

What is Dating Violence?

“Dating Violence” (or ”Dating DV” in Japanese) refers to acts of violence committed by a romantic partner.

When we hear “DV,” we often think of situations that occur between married couples or within families. However, in reality, similar problems can occur between couples who are not married.

In fact, according to a survey conducted by the Cabinet Office in Reiwa 2 (2020), 20.1% of people in their 20s reported experiencing dating violence.
(https://www.pref.saitama.lg.jp/a0309/dv-kyutokenshi.html)

Let’s take a closer look at what forms of violence are part of dating violence.

Physical Violence:

・Hitting/Kicking
・Pulling Hair
・Throwing Objects, etc.

When we think of “violence,” the most easily imagined form is physical violence. It not only leads to injuries or puts lives in danger but also causes the victim to feel intense fear, making it absolutely unacceptable.

Emotional Violence:

・Threatening/Yelling
・Insulting/Denying one’s identity
・Ignoring
・Restricting one’s action or relationships, etc.

While less visible compared to physical violence, emotional violence is still a form of violence.

Economic Violence:

・Not repaying borrowed money
・Using savings without permission
・Making the partner pay for all the dates
・Restricting how to spend money or controlling the amount of money, etc.

Taking away someone’s financial freedom to make them economically stressed is as invisible as emotional violence. Therefore, recognizing it as violence can be challenging, but economic violence also deeply wounds the victim’s mind and body.

Sexual Violence:

・Forcing sexual acts
・Taking sexual photos or videos without consent
・Refusing to cooperate with birth control/forcing abortion, etc.

While awareness of sexual violence seems to be increasing, the understanding that “sexual violence can occur within couples or marriages” may not yet be widespread enough. Even if the individuals are in a romantic relationship or there has been consent to sexual relations in the past, it doesn’t mean that you do not need consent to sexual activity in that relationship anymore.

If You Suspect “Dating Violence”:

If after reading this article and manga, you suspect that you or someone close to you may be experiencing dating violence, don’t hesitate to seek advice from specialized organizations.

DV Consult Plus

Phone: 0120-279-889
Website: https://soudanplus.jp/
In addition to phone and email consultations, they also offer chat consultations.
Specialized counselors available / Consultation available 365 days a year / 24-hour phone support / Available in 10 countries (chat)
*After listening to your detailed story, if the counselor determines it necessary, they will provide direct support such as interviews, accompanied support, and offering safe places.

DV Consultation Navigation

Dial: #8008
If you’re unsure where to call for help, dial the national common phone number (#8008). Based on your location information, the call will be automatically transferred to the nearest counseling center, allowing you to consult directly.

Local Gender Equality Centers

In areas with gender equality centers or women’s centers, many have consultation desks set up.
List of National Gender Equality Centers: https://j-kaikan.jp/members
Don’t keep it all to yourself and wonder, “Is it okay to ask for consultation for just this?”

Conclusion

In romantic relationships, it is common to feel the pressure of not wanting to upset the other person, making it difficult to express our true feelings or say no to their requests. 

Moreover, the blurred boundaries between intimate relationships can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, something many of us might have experienced.

Because nobody is perfect, unintentional hurt can occur in any partnership, potentially leading to serious issues like dating violence or DV. While not every instance of hurt leads to such extreme outcomes, it’s important to recognize that violence can happen in any kind of relationship.

As a key step in reducing harm caused by these violences, it’s important to educate ourselves about dating violence. Also, knowing that help is available and not hesitating to seek it out if we become victims is equally important.

You can listen to the “Achakocharajio” podcast, where the episodes of this manga are discussed, on YouTube.